More glorious nonsense from Narkotik in 2003:
NAF Facts:
The Fabulous Furry Ferrets, like any other Skaven team, are very difficult to please during visiting games: Their locker room is not allowed any water sources, such as showers, no illumination beyond dim cellar lights, and the food has to have rotted for at least 7 days. This proved a serious problem for the stadium cook of the Wood Elf team, the Vegetable Warriors, who were forced to serve the rats what was left on the pitch from the last match: 3 smashed fans, 1 spiked ball, 137 kg. all-natural turf and the stomped remains of an entire Snotling team, the Invisible Invaders.
NAF Facts:
Dark Elf Lineman Sorgar Scarstep of the Punishing Pagans is one of the few NAF players who came to fame before playing Blood Bowl professionally. His reputation as the best living limbo-dancer was unchallenged until he joined the Jolly Jumping Jerks of Coach St. Phanos Boss. Coach Boss managed to bring together the finest tap-, cha-cha- and rumba-dancers of the Old World to form the most agile teams in the sport. Even better, most opposing teams mistook them for cheerleaders! Sadly, after one season with the Jerks, Sorgar had to resign from the team. He dropped the ball ten yards away from before the opposing end zone and left the pitch during the Jerks’ first play-off match. He then ran to the sidelines so he could correct an opposing cheerleader’s dance steps, which Sorgar claimed were embarrassingly out of sync. After the match was lost, Sorgar said during the press conference, “The dance steps were awful, but her shoes – ugh!”
Do you remember…
The world’s leading secret weapon producer, Rip-Zit Tools Ltd., nearly went bankrupt after their first product, the battle-wheelchair, flopped miserably. To promote their gadget, they sponsored the Narrow Nobles, a young and talented Human team. Zit Tools renamed them the Wheeled Rip-Ziters and equipped every player with the faulty Rip-Zit products. Despite this arms upgrade, the first match was a complete disaster: their home stadium at the Rip-Zit Mega-Mall did not including facilities for the handicapped so the Wheeled Rip-Ziters were unable to get to the pitch. Their opponents, the ‘fling Squad Teatime Toddlersscored 8 touchdowns. (This, coincidentally, raised the Toddlers’ all-time touchdown total to 8.) One week later, the Teatime Toddlers disbanded themselves in order not to spoil their reputation as the most successful Halfling team ever.
NAF Facts:
One of the most astonishing on-pitch performances in the 2495 season can be credited to Morgar Menzoberanzan VI, Blitzer and Captain of the Punishing Pagans. In a furious display of skill, he injured the opposing Morglum’s Manglers spell caster, knocked out two Orc linemen, and threw a long-bomb for the game’s first touchdown. Menzoberanzan then put ran for another touchdown to end the half. He was awarded the Wacky-Warriortrophy, given before only to Theo “Push It” Zaltpeppa from the Ghetto Geekers. Zaltpeppa managed to kill 9 opposing Zoo Zero players by throwing the ball at the Zoo Zero mascot, a pregnant elephant, who then rampaged onto the pitch.
Did you know?
Wood Elf scientists have discovered that Treemen are genetically similar to fir trees. Since then, conservative Treeman player insist on being outfitted with tinsel and other Christmas decoration while playing Blood Bowl. The inclusion of various candles onto the Treeman player proved to be a fatal mistake for the Stiff Upper Lips, as the whole Treeman team, including famous star Big Bamboo, caught fire in the dug out and was reduced to a huge heap of ash.
Did you know?
Blood Bowl is strongly dictated by nepotism and illegal decision-making. The most obvious example of this is the post-match MVP. To justify their objective (read bribed) decisions, officials come up with many comical one-time awards. One such example is when Bretonian Thrower Gustave Alphonse Fromage received the Beaten Frenchman Award, Dwarven Runner Tarik Rednose was once given the MVP for being the Bearded Woman Look-Alike Contestwinner. Tzeench Blitzer Gill Gibberish was given the Living Art Pieceaward. Human Lineman Bill Smoketoomuch once won a Fair Play Award for his 50th unsuccessful foul attempt on the pitch. Only once in the history of the game has the official’s decision has been overruled. The NAF central committee deprived Zombie Lineman Zak McGoodgore’s MVP title he was given in conjunction with the Being Awarded MVP Already Three Times Before Award.
NAF Facts:
Morgar Menzoberanzan VI, captain of the Dark Elf squad known as the Punishing Pagans, has a contract that guarantees of the following:
– Menzoberanzan shall be the first to answer all post-match press conference questions. His roommates must remain mute.
– Menzoberanzan gets to know all the team’s pleasure slaves before any other player on the squad.
– Should Menzoberanzan fumble the ball during a match, another player of his team is to blame.
These quirks remind family friends of Morgar’s former life: rich-brat, the only child of his parents and the junior manager of his father’s business, cross-border slavery. This also explains one of his most famous quotes, in which Menzoberanzan was asked assisted in the Pagan blocking game: “I’m getting paid for scoring, not for helping!”
Did you know?
The Skaven squad Rusty Razor Ratz has hired a Human coach, Hans von Hameln, to lead them to victory. Coach Hameln immediately introduced a sophisticated training schedule that combines old tradition with modern technology. The centerpiece of this approach is his customized sports equipment. In the Ratz headquarter you will find, among other strange things, a warp licking stone, a man-sized mouse maze and a hamster wheel. The numerous mousetraps throughout the maze had to be removed after the third day of practice, however, as management grew weary of replacing half the team after every practice.